I totally broke down after going down the bus at the wrong stop. I just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe I'm just stressed, maybe I'm just sensitive today. I felt like everything is wrong today. Bad hair day? No, my hair is pretty neat actually.

Everything, basically everything went wrong. Whatever that I wanted to use spoils, whatever that I want to do did not happen. I think my doctor was quite unhappy with me as well. Well, I'm really sorry that I'm quiet and slow; but I'm trying to keep up and it's not easy for me to suddenly get used to everything in my very first attachment. I don't even know what I am supposed to do.

I wasn't allowed to take blood pressure, I wasn't allowed to help to wash up or anything; basically, I was just standing there looking. It's like a classical attachment where some of the students would just stand everyday doing nothing. But I wanted to learn.

We went to the OT today and I skipped the 2nd one. She wasn't very happy with it, I know. I just didn't want to drag her time because I know I'm really slow in changing into the scrubs and she had to wait for me. I'm really scared when I went to the OT because I was alone and... I am afraid that I might block the nurses and assistants. I was having palpitations actually. My heart beats SOOO fast.

In the end everything just got from bad to worse at the hospital. It's kinda personal so I don't really wanna mention it. Then my mom, then this and that. Okay, honestly I'm kinda sensitive today; hormone fluctuations maybe as I probably passed my ovulation date. I just have this urge to feel upset with little things.

Even my MP3 broke down. Even my rapid pass couldn't be used in the bus.

Missed my bus stop.

Went down at some strange place.

Got scolded by mom on the phone...

... And then in the car.

I didn't even have the appetite to eat. Thank god I have Ze with me. He didn't really make me feel a lot better but at least he tried to cheer me up. I really appreciate that. It makes me feel like at least my life isn't that shitty. I really wish that he's right in front of me so that I can just cry and hug him as tight as I can. I stopped crying when we video chat though, I calmed myself down in the shower.

Also one of my ex is getting really disturbing day by day. I didn't want to say anything but it's getting uncontrollable. I just can't handle it anymore. It's not the guy that stalked my blog though, Ze and I don't really care about him anymore eventhough we really have no idea why he would want to waste his life doing that. At some point I just feel like throwing my phone away. His messages really affects my work in the hospital.